There is this idea, and people talk about it all the time, that you have to love yourself first before anyone else can. And that idea just never did sit well with me. It really didn't jive with my logic first of all but also my own experience of loving people who maybe had problems with loving themselves didn't match that statement.
So I was thinking about that today, and I came to the realization that what rings more true, at least in my mind, is that you have to love or respect or like yourself before you can SEE and experience the reality of it coming from someone else. Our perception of anything sets the tone for our experience all day everyday. If we can't see our own value then when someone else comes along who does see it we either won't accept that is a reality for them (suspecting perhaps they have ulterior motives) or we just won't recognize their words and behavior are speaking to that fact.
I think it is a bit like the way the mind filters out about 80% of what is going on around us at any given moment so it can focus on what it thinks is important. What we can experience from other people is the same thing, we filter out everything that does not fit into what we believe is true about us. I think also that if you are already on board with your self worth then you can recognize if someone does not in fact value you and their words are thin veils for ulterior motives. When we open up our own perceptions via changing our belief systems we allow ourselves to expand what is possible for us because we see what is happening in a different way. The only thing that changes really is us, our thoughts, therefore our perception and experience.
So, you can be loved even if you don't love yourself but if you do love yourself you can actually really experience the love someone is giving you without so many negative filters and walls. I know I am a work in progress on this one, I have said before I have issues with self acceptance. There are bits of me I wish were more perfect. But I am coming into a place of seeing the value in the imperfect places, and looking to use them as a way to support or build on my stronger aspects; like writing about them so I might help someone else see something in a new way. I think we can all do this, use our perceived flaws to be a little more vulnerable so that the whole world around us can be a little more honest and truthful too.
So I was thinking about that today, and I came to the realization that what rings more true, at least in my mind, is that you have to love or respect or like yourself before you can SEE and experience the reality of it coming from someone else. Our perception of anything sets the tone for our experience all day everyday. If we can't see our own value then when someone else comes along who does see it we either won't accept that is a reality for them (suspecting perhaps they have ulterior motives) or we just won't recognize their words and behavior are speaking to that fact.
I think it is a bit like the way the mind filters out about 80% of what is going on around us at any given moment so it can focus on what it thinks is important. What we can experience from other people is the same thing, we filter out everything that does not fit into what we believe is true about us. I think also that if you are already on board with your self worth then you can recognize if someone does not in fact value you and their words are thin veils for ulterior motives. When we open up our own perceptions via changing our belief systems we allow ourselves to expand what is possible for us because we see what is happening in a different way. The only thing that changes really is us, our thoughts, therefore our perception and experience.
So, you can be loved even if you don't love yourself but if you do love yourself you can actually really experience the love someone is giving you without so many negative filters and walls. I know I am a work in progress on this one, I have said before I have issues with self acceptance. There are bits of me I wish were more perfect. But I am coming into a place of seeing the value in the imperfect places, and looking to use them as a way to support or build on my stronger aspects; like writing about them so I might help someone else see something in a new way. I think we can all do this, use our perceived flaws to be a little more vulnerable so that the whole world around us can be a little more honest and truthful too.
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