This morning as I sat outside, watching the rain fall, smelling the mock orange and jasmine in my front courtyard I started thinking about what I have been dedicated to. What is it I lived my life in effort to, not belief about or what my faith was, but in which direction did I place actual effort daily?
The truth is, I was dedicated to making as little effort as possible to get the changes I needed to happen for a new life. I had the intention to get free, to change but if I could get away with not having to step out of my comfort zone that is what I chose. It is easy for us to imagine the changes we need, to think about all the things we will do or might experience but the doing bit can be more challenging. Change is scary, we spend so long in this particular way of being in the world that even when we wake up one day a nd realize we want something else it can be an almost impossible task to get over the humps. I have been having this ebb and flow in my life over the last month or two. I get past one mental obstacle and then I am pushed to get past the next. But I am grateful for it, this push to keep up my momentum and not just stop, and linger in the little steps (or big) that I have taken thus far. There is a voice urging me forward to a beautiful world, where I don't have to battle my own mind or my fear of being vulnerable and opening up. So despite the challenges, despite my inner battles to stop part way through the process and get comfortable I shift my dedication to the vision this voice has for me. I trust it, I don't doubt it's wisdom or the love from which it comes.
We may on this journey to finding our way out of the inner darkness of the mind and the outer darkness of the possibility of more pain, find ourselves getting complacent. We may find just asking for help, or reaching out beyond our comfort zone an inner battle of profound measure. Yet, if we can focus on the outcome, the why of why we battle it is beyond worth it. We must focus not on our resistance to the change, to stepping beyond what we have come to know are our limits but on what is on the other side. Hold your dedication to that one place you see in your biggest dreams, your most profound hopes. Stay within that vision and you can move past the desire to just get by even in your extricating yourself from your past and your limitations. And find gratitude in the inner voice pushing you just a little farther everyday, it has a clear vision for you of a future so profoundly beautiful.
The truth is, I was dedicated to making as little effort as possible to get the changes I needed to happen for a new life. I had the intention to get free, to change but if I could get away with not having to step out of my comfort zone that is what I chose. It is easy for us to imagine the changes we need, to think about all the things we will do or might experience but the doing bit can be more challenging. Change is scary, we spend so long in this particular way of being in the world that even when we wake up one day a nd realize we want something else it can be an almost impossible task to get over the humps. I have been having this ebb and flow in my life over the last month or two. I get past one mental obstacle and then I am pushed to get past the next. But I am grateful for it, this push to keep up my momentum and not just stop, and linger in the little steps (or big) that I have taken thus far. There is a voice urging me forward to a beautiful world, where I don't have to battle my own mind or my fear of being vulnerable and opening up. So despite the challenges, despite my inner battles to stop part way through the process and get comfortable I shift my dedication to the vision this voice has for me. I trust it, I don't doubt it's wisdom or the love from which it comes.
We may on this journey to finding our way out of the inner darkness of the mind and the outer darkness of the possibility of more pain, find ourselves getting complacent. We may find just asking for help, or reaching out beyond our comfort zone an inner battle of profound measure. Yet, if we can focus on the outcome, the why of why we battle it is beyond worth it. We must focus not on our resistance to the change, to stepping beyond what we have come to know are our limits but on what is on the other side. Hold your dedication to that one place you see in your biggest dreams, your most profound hopes. Stay within that vision and you can move past the desire to just get by even in your extricating yourself from your past and your limitations. And find gratitude in the inner voice pushing you just a little farther everyday, it has a clear vision for you of a future so profoundly beautiful.
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