I have realized over the last few months in making all the steps towards freeing myself of old patterns and ways of thinking how necessary forgiveness is. You here all the time that forgiving someone is really more about you than them. Honestly it can sound a bit contrite and fluffy when someone says this to you. Really who comes out of a situation where they have been lied to, or broken down in some way, where wanting to hold that person accountable is not a thing. I have done it. It isn't fair to have to let go when there doesn't seem to be justice in a situation. We want justice. We want there to be a balancing out of the situation. We didn't deserve what we got and they should have to pay for what they did. I won't argue here that you shouldn't get justice because obviously you should. And while saying forgiveness is more about you than them sounds contrite, the crux of what is being said is rooted in truth.
If we really think about what it feels like to be carrying around in our minds the idea we have been wronged and haven't gotten justice for it, it is not a pleasant experience. We feel angry, resentful, our chests feel tight, maybe the shoulders too, and it is a burden. Holding that sense, that tightness, that restriction in ourselves it is taking up mental and physical space where something much better could be. When we are doing this, there is this feeling too we are due something we haven't gotten. We end up walking into our whole life, all our interactions, with this feeling of being entitled to something we haven't gotten. Entitlement is a slippery slope if you ask me, it can take us into the mentality that we have to demand or fight for everything we want or need. If we are going into everything expecting to battle it out there really isn't room for anything but a little taste of war.
So, if we become aware that our holding onto this sense we have to get that justice, to see it, to know right here right now they "got what they deserved" it becomes apparent it might not be serving us too well. It might actually keep us stuck in the past and be taking up all this mental, emotional and physical space we could fill with something that feels good.
Where does that leave us then? If we are a little stuck in the past because we are holding onto this resentment, and going through life battling on some level for what we need and we realize it isn't really getting us what we want? What do we do? How do you get out from under that? How do you let that shit go?
I'll give you a hot minute to take a wild guess....
Yep, that old "forgive them to set yourself free" adage goes into play here. On the upside after having really looked at it and seen where focusing not on the foofy, contrite level of this statement but on the underlying truth inherent in it we see it has something we need. I am not going to sit here and say that forgiveness is just going to be about this quick thought, '"Okay, I forgive my Dad for his controlling me. " or "I forgive John Smith for being a raging force of destruction in my life." And boom, you are done. You just magicly let that shit go. Sorry, nope, doesn't work that way... Our thoughts are a powerful force, but they are not the driving force. You, who you are and how you feel has got to be driving this. It isn't enough to just sit back and wish to forgive someone. You need to not just see how it benefits you to let that go, you need to FEEL the letting go. This is not really a mental exercise so much as an emotional one. We have to reach a place inside of us where we want our emotions and our hearts free of the moment that hurt us. We have to be willing to not get justice so we can live again outside of the pain we have been caused. We gotta be willing to step outside of the need for knowing how things will get balanced and trust on some level they will be... Even if it is by our choosing to cut the cord and release ourselves from what they have done. You get to decide to give yourself justice by letting yourself be free of it.
All the power you will ever need to get out from under the need to battle for what you need, to get out of the mental cage you have been in, you already have it. All it takes is a little willingness and a little faith placed in your own hopes for a different life. So you forgive to give yourself a release from your past, more openness for the things you want in the present, and more possibilities for your future.
If we really think about what it feels like to be carrying around in our minds the idea we have been wronged and haven't gotten justice for it, it is not a pleasant experience. We feel angry, resentful, our chests feel tight, maybe the shoulders too, and it is a burden. Holding that sense, that tightness, that restriction in ourselves it is taking up mental and physical space where something much better could be. When we are doing this, there is this feeling too we are due something we haven't gotten. We end up walking into our whole life, all our interactions, with this feeling of being entitled to something we haven't gotten. Entitlement is a slippery slope if you ask me, it can take us into the mentality that we have to demand or fight for everything we want or need. If we are going into everything expecting to battle it out there really isn't room for anything but a little taste of war.
So, if we become aware that our holding onto this sense we have to get that justice, to see it, to know right here right now they "got what they deserved" it becomes apparent it might not be serving us too well. It might actually keep us stuck in the past and be taking up all this mental, emotional and physical space we could fill with something that feels good.
Where does that leave us then? If we are a little stuck in the past because we are holding onto this resentment, and going through life battling on some level for what we need and we realize it isn't really getting us what we want? What do we do? How do you get out from under that? How do you let that shit go?
I'll give you a hot minute to take a wild guess....
Yep, that old "forgive them to set yourself free" adage goes into play here. On the upside after having really looked at it and seen where focusing not on the foofy, contrite level of this statement but on the underlying truth inherent in it we see it has something we need. I am not going to sit here and say that forgiveness is just going to be about this quick thought, '"Okay, I forgive my Dad for his controlling me. " or "I forgive John Smith for being a raging force of destruction in my life." And boom, you are done. You just magicly let that shit go. Sorry, nope, doesn't work that way... Our thoughts are a powerful force, but they are not the driving force. You, who you are and how you feel has got to be driving this. It isn't enough to just sit back and wish to forgive someone. You need to not just see how it benefits you to let that go, you need to FEEL the letting go. This is not really a mental exercise so much as an emotional one. We have to reach a place inside of us where we want our emotions and our hearts free of the moment that hurt us. We have to be willing to not get justice so we can live again outside of the pain we have been caused. We gotta be willing to step outside of the need for knowing how things will get balanced and trust on some level they will be... Even if it is by our choosing to cut the cord and release ourselves from what they have done. You get to decide to give yourself justice by letting yourself be free of it.
All the power you will ever need to get out from under the need to battle for what you need, to get out of the mental cage you have been in, you already have it. All it takes is a little willingness and a little faith placed in your own hopes for a different life. So you forgive to give yourself a release from your past, more openness for the things you want in the present, and more possibilities for your future.
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