Today I went into a situation in a new way. I met what has been and could well have continued to be a tense situation with tye intention simply to be as compassionate and loving as I could be. I had no expectation or ideas in my mind how it might just be another in a series of difficult interactions. Maybe you have had the same experience say at Christmas, where everyone sets aside for one day anything that might hinder or cloud the moment. There is not so much reactivity, and if something does happen it is allowed to just slip away in favor of the day. I went in willing to express myself from the best possible versions of who I might be with my family today. This can be hard, there are roles we have all played for so long, and there are expectations on me frequently. I decided though that given the work I have been doing internally since I last saw them in March I would use the moments today to put into action what I have learned. Honestly, I was hesitant, I have been met with resistance to who I am before with them. What I experienced however was a different story.
My choosing to go in with the intention to not be reactive, to steer anything that started to smack of the old dynamics between us, it changed the whole experience for all of us. It allowed the challenges to be redirected into a more positive space and while I usually do this automatically anyway, today I held no resentment for having to be the one to do it. Today I recognized I have been doing it because I wanted them to be able to find a better way to engage and feel in the situations and I felt that it was really a great thing to bring this to them. I didn't leave feeling emotionally drained or tired either as I often have before. I left feeling like a situation I had begun to think was not fixable may well be salvaged.
So here to I see in practice what I have known intellectually. Our intentions, our perceptions of what the outcome likely will be directs our actions and therefore causes the outcome. So in this situation, where it is more difficult to put into practice a new way of thinking or being in the world (because lets face it our families tend to trigger us), I found myself able to stand in my new truth. It was both exciting and a lovely thing to experience that this shift I have been undergoing through dedicated efforts is rooted and is grounded. If interactions with my family, whom I love dearly but who can push my emotional buttons like no one else, aren't able to shake my foundations I think I am doing pretty damn good here.
So I suggest to us all, and I am talking to myself as much as anyone else, we check ourselves and our thoughts as we go into any situation. How can I go in with the best intention for MY behavior and affect the outcome from my side of the table? It may create a shift for everyone else if you just do the showing up with a little more compassion, a little less reactivity and a lot more of your truth.
My choosing to go in with the intention to not be reactive, to steer anything that started to smack of the old dynamics between us, it changed the whole experience for all of us. It allowed the challenges to be redirected into a more positive space and while I usually do this automatically anyway, today I held no resentment for having to be the one to do it. Today I recognized I have been doing it because I wanted them to be able to find a better way to engage and feel in the situations and I felt that it was really a great thing to bring this to them. I didn't leave feeling emotionally drained or tired either as I often have before. I left feeling like a situation I had begun to think was not fixable may well be salvaged.
So here to I see in practice what I have known intellectually. Our intentions, our perceptions of what the outcome likely will be directs our actions and therefore causes the outcome. So in this situation, where it is more difficult to put into practice a new way of thinking or being in the world (because lets face it our families tend to trigger us), I found myself able to stand in my new truth. It was both exciting and a lovely thing to experience that this shift I have been undergoing through dedicated efforts is rooted and is grounded. If interactions with my family, whom I love dearly but who can push my emotional buttons like no one else, aren't able to shake my foundations I think I am doing pretty damn good here.
So I suggest to us all, and I am talking to myself as much as anyone else, we check ourselves and our thoughts as we go into any situation. How can I go in with the best intention for MY behavior and affect the outcome from my side of the table? It may create a shift for everyone else if you just do the showing up with a little more compassion, a little less reactivity and a lot more of your truth.
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