Where did I go and whaaaat have I been doing?
Sooo healing is a funny thing, takes us into the past and circles us back around frequently to tickle those places where we have not quite gotten all the muck up and out yet. I have been in the last month both struggling and finding moments (days even) when I was feeling like things had smoothed out and even if I wasn't sure where I was headed I knew it was going to be great when I got there. I have been working through a whole lot of self limiting ideas and finding my footing more firmly in the world once they were let go of.
I had a great day yesterday.... I was feeling like I had my feet firmly planted in the right direction for most of the day. But by the end of the night I felt off, I felt agitated and I felt uncertain again. When I woke up this morning I had to face things I tend to put on the shelf because right now there is no good solution. That is why I am here today, finally back, offering up if nothing else, my own truth, my own walk that someone might take some benefit from it. I am here with the idea on my mind, on my heart... How do we allow the presence of situations in our life that have no good solution, that carry in their being weight and struggle?
As I said before, I tend to put these kinds of things on a shelf. I effectively pretend they are not there precisely because I can't solve the problems they hold. I do this for a few reasons, not the least of which is that I know sitting in it, letting my mind replay all the ways it sucks, it hurts, and it is hard just makes the weight of it heavier. Keeping my mind in this loop robs me of everything else that is going right, or that I might find pleasure in. The other reason, is because for me the understanding that I do not have the answer means I have to wait for it to unravel, to present itself, to have the proverbial way made clear for me. Besides putting it aside until it can be handled I also choose to meditate/pray on it. I recognize my not having the answer means I need to find it elsewhere. I recognize that the burden of the thing by its self requires me to offset its weight with some solace. I recognize I have to go to where I can find peace and make peace with what might otherwise be unacceptable. For me that place where I can find some peace is God/the Divine/Source/The Universe (doesn't matter much to me what you call it).
So I woke up today, an email in my inbox, faced with another of a series of injustices in a situation that requires me to swallow my pride and bend to the will of another. I do this out of love for someone else affected by the people and circumstances involved. I do this to maintain a balance that is easily tipped against me. I do this in part out of faith that a better way WILL present its self. Honestly, I'm a bit of a hard nose when it comes to ethics. My ethical stance would dictate that when presented with injustice my willingly bending to the will of the person who meters it out is a limit I will not cross. It would be an admonishment to myself and a form of gratitude or reward for the person committing the harm. But here it is the lesser of two evils. It is the only way I can stand in the line of fire for someone I love, and the only way I might add any good to the situation overall. So I do it, not as a sacrifice of a martyr, not that my choice may even be recognized by anyone else than God, but because when I love I love fiercely, when I love my loyalty has no limits for the love I feel and because the ethics for this love outweighs the ethics of swallowing the idealism that right and wrong need to be laid out on the table and acknowledged.
How do we allow the presence of what we would consider the intolerable in our lives?
We must perhaps occasionally acknowledged it is there and then we decide what we are willing to give or lose in its being in our lives. We have to decide who we will be in reference to it. We have to choose to be broken by it, and lose all other things in our lives to its burden, or not. We have to hold to something else, whatever that is for you, that is better and offers the hope for a new way to unfold. And we have to whittle down our response to what we hold as fundamentally true for us and what we want our life to have been a reflection of.
Sometimes there is no immediate resolution, sometimes events are too far beyond our scope to control. Sometimes we must just allow it to be there and do what we are able to in the moments to bring as much sanity and grace to it as we can however hard that might be.
So today, if you too have a person, a situation where there is no GOOD solution... my hope for you is you find a shelf, you focus on what good there is elsewhere in your life, that you find solace somewhere that you can place your hope for the unfolding of a better way. Allow as much of your hope to take hold as you can while you wait.
Sooo healing is a funny thing, takes us into the past and circles us back around frequently to tickle those places where we have not quite gotten all the muck up and out yet. I have been in the last month both struggling and finding moments (days even) when I was feeling like things had smoothed out and even if I wasn't sure where I was headed I knew it was going to be great when I got there. I have been working through a whole lot of self limiting ideas and finding my footing more firmly in the world once they were let go of.
I had a great day yesterday.... I was feeling like I had my feet firmly planted in the right direction for most of the day. But by the end of the night I felt off, I felt agitated and I felt uncertain again. When I woke up this morning I had to face things I tend to put on the shelf because right now there is no good solution. That is why I am here today, finally back, offering up if nothing else, my own truth, my own walk that someone might take some benefit from it. I am here with the idea on my mind, on my heart... How do we allow the presence of situations in our life that have no good solution, that carry in their being weight and struggle?
As I said before, I tend to put these kinds of things on a shelf. I effectively pretend they are not there precisely because I can't solve the problems they hold. I do this for a few reasons, not the least of which is that I know sitting in it, letting my mind replay all the ways it sucks, it hurts, and it is hard just makes the weight of it heavier. Keeping my mind in this loop robs me of everything else that is going right, or that I might find pleasure in. The other reason, is because for me the understanding that I do not have the answer means I have to wait for it to unravel, to present itself, to have the proverbial way made clear for me. Besides putting it aside until it can be handled I also choose to meditate/pray on it. I recognize my not having the answer means I need to find it elsewhere. I recognize that the burden of the thing by its self requires me to offset its weight with some solace. I recognize I have to go to where I can find peace and make peace with what might otherwise be unacceptable. For me that place where I can find some peace is God/the Divine/Source/The Universe (doesn't matter much to me what you call it).
So I woke up today, an email in my inbox, faced with another of a series of injustices in a situation that requires me to swallow my pride and bend to the will of another. I do this out of love for someone else affected by the people and circumstances involved. I do this to maintain a balance that is easily tipped against me. I do this in part out of faith that a better way WILL present its self. Honestly, I'm a bit of a hard nose when it comes to ethics. My ethical stance would dictate that when presented with injustice my willingly bending to the will of the person who meters it out is a limit I will not cross. It would be an admonishment to myself and a form of gratitude or reward for the person committing the harm. But here it is the lesser of two evils. It is the only way I can stand in the line of fire for someone I love, and the only way I might add any good to the situation overall. So I do it, not as a sacrifice of a martyr, not that my choice may even be recognized by anyone else than God, but because when I love I love fiercely, when I love my loyalty has no limits for the love I feel and because the ethics for this love outweighs the ethics of swallowing the idealism that right and wrong need to be laid out on the table and acknowledged.
How do we allow the presence of what we would consider the intolerable in our lives?
We must perhaps occasionally acknowledged it is there and then we decide what we are willing to give or lose in its being in our lives. We have to decide who we will be in reference to it. We have to choose to be broken by it, and lose all other things in our lives to its burden, or not. We have to hold to something else, whatever that is for you, that is better and offers the hope for a new way to unfold. And we have to whittle down our response to what we hold as fundamentally true for us and what we want our life to have been a reflection of.
Sometimes there is no immediate resolution, sometimes events are too far beyond our scope to control. Sometimes we must just allow it to be there and do what we are able to in the moments to bring as much sanity and grace to it as we can however hard that might be.
So today, if you too have a person, a situation where there is no GOOD solution... my hope for you is you find a shelf, you focus on what good there is elsewhere in your life, that you find solace somewhere that you can place your hope for the unfolding of a better way. Allow as much of your hope to take hold as you can while you wait.
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