The sugar

Today I have been mulling over...
We as human-beings have this complexity in our nature, we are at war with our own duality. The aspects which want "nothin but the facts mam," and the part of us which lives in the mystery of hope and imagination often butt heads. It often seems that these two aspects of our minds are at odds with each other because they seem so different and cannot see they seek the same end.
I believe in this life I should like to see those two parts of myself marry... to combine in a symbiotic way and bring to me something whole and new. I, myself, have lived too much in both of these aspects at times, at the neglect of the other... refusing to see the bad in a situation I really wanted to work out for far too long... or living in a semi-arid state of here and now without any sweetness to life. I believe this sweetness is essential to a survival of more than quiet discontentment... to a life worth living, a life to be proud to have had... no regrets, no missed opportunities.
The sweetness, or "sugar", of life are those moments which could easily be lost... like the sweet smell of freshly cut grass, the taste of cool water on a hot day, a love that carries in it that something that fleets at the sheer attempt of placing words to it.... the smile of your child, the warm trust when they hold your hand... you know, the magic that life offers if we can live in both the here and now and still notice the sugar.

When was the last time most of us laughed so hard milk came out our noses, or until we couldn't breath or peed our pants?... when was the last time we sat on a river bank pretending to fish with our feet in the gently lapping water? When was the last time you took a nap in the afternoon sun under the shade of a tree.... when our worlds were more full of this,say in our childhood or in those first onset days of a love... those are when our lives had color, when the range of life felt more real, more solid, more free.
I can remember trying to race the wind as a child knowing it was "foolish", but man was it fun! I did it because it was just good and simple and living, really living... not thinking  "well, if someone sees me I'LL LOOK...." or "technically speaking the wind is a force and travels at ....."  Could it be we were born with a longing for those moments... a hunger for them.... some of us finding in the attempt to fill this hunger  a fleeting grasp of it in the ecstasy of orgasm, or the newness of a relationship, in a pipe or a pill.... but we are, I think, looking for this place... the middle road of life without deprivation of life's sugar. The goal is to get there without the "aid" of the superficial or artificial as this always brings on its own troubles and often cheapens the experience... kinda like artificial sweeteners not being the same flavor as sugar.


I would imagine that a life lived in this between place... this place is where visionaries live, where the genius has the answer swim into his mind. I think that here is where I would find that self I see on the peripherals of my life at times... the one that is fearless in being... who laughs too loud, and sings off key... the self who might snore at night but sleeps like a baby... There is where there is self honesty of being. Would it be a vastly different life if I were to walk tasting the sugar of life most of the time? There is no way to know unless one goes and finds out... speculation/philosophy can only get you so far and then you must experience the rest.

So I will cross my toes and fingers and squeeze my eyes shut....

And JUMP.....

I will endeavor to just be willing to notice the simple beauty possible in the moments of my life... and then I will be willing to experience them, then to seek them, then perhaps one day to more actively make them as I did when I was racing the wind.

If I fall instead... well then, I will find wonderland and that would be an adventure all its own.

I hope this finds you well,  and please have a little sugar with your life today.

-Me-