I have a whole lot of flaws, I can be very single minded to the point of being stubborn, I hate asking for help, I like certainty and organization, I like knowing exactly how things are going to go so I gain a sense of control. It is a lot, I am sure I have others but those are not the point for me today... Today the point is that this need for certainty, the need to be able to predict the outcome has got to go. I recognize I need to give it up, at least the majority of it. I have got to drop the resistance to not knowing.
The truth of the matter is there are NO certainties in life. We can get run over crossing the street at a cross walk. We don't have the luxury of knowing how any of the thousands of choices we make in any given day are going to turn out. Sure, we can make an educated guess based on the past but knowing, knowing is not going to happen. For some of us the not knowing is okay for most things, we can get into the idea of giving up control on the little stuff but when it comes to making choices for the things which can change the direction of our lives... Well, those choices we can not let go of control over. I know for me when it comes to finding a "purpose" and when it comes to relationships I get so caught in the mental tug of war trying to predict outcomes I can make myself unable to act. Is it the risk that scares me so much? Is it the worry of making the wrong choice and then some how being locked into a situation? Is it worrying that I will make the choice to do something and then find out I can't do it or have it? Is that it, the fear of not being good enough to really have and experience what I want? So what then? Am I on some unconscious level causing my own stagnation out of a fear of failure then? Is it fear of failure or a self esteem issue at its core?
It might not matter. It might not matter why I am trapped in a mental cycle of trying to choose the right thing to do. The fact is I can't predict the outcome. I can not control what happens once the choice is made and failing to make a choice is still a choice (one which may well eliminate my getting what I want altogether). If I can't control the outcome the question may well become why am I going to choose this or that person or direction? And if I can go with what my heart and my gut are telling me and suspend disbelief for a moment mentally I may at least give myself the chance to get exactly what I want. Because, if the outcome can't be predicted the only control I do have becomes who I choose to be in relation to that choice. Do I choose to accept my feelings or hopes or dreams and go in the direction of possibilities with the intention of finding everything I ever wanted? Or do I choose to play it safe knowing that because my heart and my intuition are not screaming "yes" to me that I am waaayyy more likely to NOT get everything I have been looking for?
Letting go of the resistance to knowing the outcome may well then be more about desire, aspirations and hopefulness than anything else. My being able to drop the resistance to uncertainty might just be about allowing the possibility that if I choose something based on what my heart wants I put attainability ON the table. If that is the case, if my trying to be in control all the time of the outcome has been taking my actually being able to have the opportunity I want to manifest in my life I should kick my own ass. What the hell have I been doing to myself then? Have I really been taking away the very things I say I wanted all this time???
The truth of the matter is there are NO certainties in life. We can get run over crossing the street at a cross walk. We don't have the luxury of knowing how any of the thousands of choices we make in any given day are going to turn out. Sure, we can make an educated guess based on the past but knowing, knowing is not going to happen. For some of us the not knowing is okay for most things, we can get into the idea of giving up control on the little stuff but when it comes to making choices for the things which can change the direction of our lives... Well, those choices we can not let go of control over. I know for me when it comes to finding a "purpose" and when it comes to relationships I get so caught in the mental tug of war trying to predict outcomes I can make myself unable to act. Is it the risk that scares me so much? Is it the worry of making the wrong choice and then some how being locked into a situation? Is it worrying that I will make the choice to do something and then find out I can't do it or have it? Is that it, the fear of not being good enough to really have and experience what I want? So what then? Am I on some unconscious level causing my own stagnation out of a fear of failure then? Is it fear of failure or a self esteem issue at its core?
It might not matter. It might not matter why I am trapped in a mental cycle of trying to choose the right thing to do. The fact is I can't predict the outcome. I can not control what happens once the choice is made and failing to make a choice is still a choice (one which may well eliminate my getting what I want altogether). If I can't control the outcome the question may well become why am I going to choose this or that person or direction? And if I can go with what my heart and my gut are telling me and suspend disbelief for a moment mentally I may at least give myself the chance to get exactly what I want. Because, if the outcome can't be predicted the only control I do have becomes who I choose to be in relation to that choice. Do I choose to accept my feelings or hopes or dreams and go in the direction of possibilities with the intention of finding everything I ever wanted? Or do I choose to play it safe knowing that because my heart and my intuition are not screaming "yes" to me that I am waaayyy more likely to NOT get everything I have been looking for?
Letting go of the resistance to knowing the outcome may well then be more about desire, aspirations and hopefulness than anything else. My being able to drop the resistance to uncertainty might just be about allowing the possibility that if I choose something based on what my heart wants I put attainability ON the table. If that is the case, if my trying to be in control all the time of the outcome has been taking my actually being able to have the opportunity I want to manifest in my life I should kick my own ass. What the hell have I been doing to myself then? Have I really been taking away the very things I say I wanted all this time???
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