Unopened doors

I chose who I did before
I now know
Because I knew I could not have him.
I felt those barriers
Perhaps that is why I chose to love him.

The beauty of that loss
Was my call out
On an October evening
To the one I knew existed
Before I understood what to name it.

And I think I clung
To that love
I wanted so badly
Because I knew I could
Not have it.

If I chose someone else
If I accepted he
Did not belong to me
I would have to open the door
To someone who did.

And so much more
Vulnerability is necessary
To let in someone
Who could see us
And love us the way we need.

Standing fully in that kind of love
We know we will love so much
Feel so much
There will be so much
To lose

Sometimes we try to open doors
That don't belong to us
Because we understand the doors that do
Hold so much
We dare not even hope for such a thing.